Sick and Wrong Gifts for any Occasion
Why Sick & Wrong ?
Welcome to our “Sick & Wrong” outrageous sex toy gift shop, and though we’re not politically correct, we offer humorous and disgusting jokes, sexual wellness BDSM tools, humiliating pranks for “demented” adult men or women, along with unique fetish novelty “spanking paddles”, whips, riding crops, handcuff restraints for any occasion requiring gross obnoxious gifts, amusing novelty items, dark humor, kinky clothing, and cynical laughter.
Whether it’s visual, tactile, or sensory, if it’s ridiculous, inappropriate, embarrassing, cheap, gawdy, or “taboo”, we have it for you to buy and gift. We specialize in creative sex toys, vibrator dildo tools, sexy body attire, and discipline. We are a unique boutique gift shop with absurd sexual wellness products that you can purchase now.
In fact, some presents are so debauched and inappropriate you may want to keep them for yourself to impress your neighbors at your next drug induced “Secret Santa” fantasy party.
From great gifts in poor taste, like the almost free “Really Cheap Instant Erection Kit ®”, or a free copy of Rochelle Monte’s “48 Sexual Fantasies You Can Do At Home”, to even “The Official Guide to the Best Cat Houses in Nevada”, which is everything you want to know about legal prostitution, SickJokes.com is your online resource.
Sick and Wrong Gift Idea #1: Decadence & Luxury
If you want to impress go with a Lelo “Inez™ Gold” $20,000 G-Spot Vibrator guaranteed to get things buzzing. This is our Number 1 Pick for extravagance, excess and luxury. It even has two reviews from satisfied purchasers, one saying that when his wife didn’t appreciate the $20,00 he spent on it, she stopped having sex with him, so he started using the vibrator himself in front of her, demonstrating how to have fun with it his own way, thoroughly disgusting her even more. What a rude, crude moment in time that was. That’s what SickJokes.com is all about.
Hopefully the Inez ™ isn”t too far out of your price range, but if it is, Lelo has other pleasurable sexual wellness toys in several price ranges for your enjoyment including discreet state of the art G-Spot vibrators, massage wands, and other motorized and remote“sexy pals” for men and women to enhance and stimulate.
Visit Lelo.com for more information.
Sick & Wrong Gift Idea #2: Weapons of Ass Destruction
There’s a lot of creative potential in a simple slap — starting with the palm of your hand, then graduating to other tools of the trade: paddles with purpose, shoe trees, hairbrushes, metal rods, even bamboo canes. Each has its own charm, price point, and level of regret. Because in the world of “self-improvement,” it’s always “No Pain, No Gain”.
Spanking is a diabolical art form — part therapy, part cardio, and part questionable life style decision. It demands safewords, trust, and ideally a solid legal liability waiver. It’s hands-on personal growth, best experienced with a consenting partner, a sturdy ass-smacker, and a warped sense of humor. Think of it as luxury-grade nonsense.
Spanking paddles whisper luxury while screaming “bad decision!” Every swing releases tension, guilt, and maybe a few red flags.
Whether you’re exploring new “wellness techniques,” settling scores, or just looking for the world’s most regrettable gag gift, spanking paddles deliver impact and impressions. Think of them as anger management with splinters — which is why they’re proudly featured in our Top Ten List of Sick & Wrong Gifts for any occasion.
At SickJokes.com, we specialize in offensive wellness — where form meets farce and the only safe word is, “again” ………?
Sick & Wrong Gift Idea #3: When Knotty is Nice
One good way to start a journey into kinky behavior is by learning how to tie people up for pleasure and pain. In fact, Kinkabu Japanese rope bondage and Shibari (“binding”) is an ancient Japanese erotic art form involving elements of theatrical torture, with possbile consequences including death, strangulation, numbness, rope burns, panic attacks, and humiliation….. how sick and wrong is that, which makes it one of our top picks for fun and games.
Although it’s origins stem from the martial arts, the ancient Samurai would tie captured prisoners up in “decorative” or “restrictive” scenes, Shibari has since evolved into performance art in the BDSM adult world and has gone mainstream, with coaching gurus, online tutorials, and a whole deviant industry today. Knots are an erotic art form of bondage.
We encourage you to check out these rope bondage kink links for more:
Sick & Wrong Gift #4: Really Cheap Instant Erection Kit
Hey, “Performance Anxiety” happens, even when you’re hung like a race horse stud but can’t finish the race. So, if you know someone like that who needs some help even as a joke, then maybe it’s time for the “Really Cheap Instant Erection Kit” ®, a visual tactile helper that will transform the dud into a stud immediately. It’s a sick joke, a perfect gag gift that will turn the “jolly throbber” into an instant “erectile projectile” easily. Give it as a debauched prank and watch the laughter begin as your friends console you about your “limp dick lover” who needs a lot of help !
Of all the sick and wrong humorous presents that you can give someone, including to women who like to talk about the “sexual prowess” of their men sex partners, the “Really Cheap Instant Erection Kit”® is right at the top of the joke list. It could be for a “Bachelorette Party”, or “Office Stag Affair”, because the conversation almost always comes back to sex and performance at those crazy alcohol fueled events.
This gift comes “Party Wrapped” in a colorful and discrete envelope, and when someone receives it as a present they can start to imagine it might be a “Gift Certificate” to their favorite restauarant or bowling alley, but then watch their expressions change from curiosity to humor or humiliation depending how bad they really are at sex !
Just follow the link here to get your “penis enhancement joke” now !
Aphrodisiacs ...Sick & Wrong Sex Potions Through History
Aphrodisiacs… more than food for thought, more than gourmet-grade depravity, and certainly more than history’s collection of culinary felonies. From Paleolithic Stone Age cave dwellers 28,000 years ago pursuing “sexual wellness” with sticks, leaves, and whatever homo erectus dragged in, through the plague-ridden lovers of the 14th century, all the way to today’s pharmaceutical triumphs like the “Big Blue Pill,” love potions and libido boosters have come a long way.
The goal of the original Aphrodisian Effect was simple: smell better, and feel just dangerous enough to attempt reproduction. Early humans used perfumes, weeds, and leaves (see Crocus sativa for saffron, garlic, mint), hallucinogenic mushrooms (Amanita muscaria for when you want to see God mid-coitus), and crude biochemical experiments involving honey, yeast, and alchemy to upgrade their libido. These consumables weren’t just food — they were DIY journeys to pleasure.
Some of the earliest “exotics” straddled the line between imagination and insanity:
Ambergris (sperm whale regurgitated wax and ejaculate),
Blister Beetle extract (crushed beetles for the romantically unhinged),
Tiger penis (difficult to harvest unless the tiger was receptive to being jerked off),
Rhino horn (symbolic power with little measurable output),
Sea cucumbers, oysters, and chocolate — the “mythics” of Valentine’s Day desperation.
The appeal of these substances came from curiosity, rarity, and the belief that anything difficult to obtain must make someone horny. Eat, drink, feel good, laugh, get naked, have sex, repeat the mayhem… and hope you survive whatever you just ingested.
Pre-pharmaceutical elixirs were primitive, mystical prototypes of modern enhancement drugs, often documented only through rumor, poetry, or the fevered writings of Priapus — the original influencer of anatomical excess.
Now, aphrodisiacs are just an online click away. Whether you want powdered roots, chocolate-covered promises, or a $39 jar of something labeled “Sex Dust ®”, humanity’s eternal quest for libido continues — we’re just better at shipping it in two business days.
